Break

Is taking time off wrong? 

I think it is. 

No, let me rephrase. 

I've been made to believe it is. 

In my Econs class the other day, the lecturer mentioned specialisation. How, even if Einstein is both the best physician of his time AND the fastest typewriter at that era, he SHOULD still focus on physics, and physics alone, because imagine what the world will lose if the time that could've been used to push the frontiers of science is used for typing instead? It was concluded that the opportunity cost of that is TOO HIGH. 

And i couldn't help thinking. 

But what if Einstein wanted to type?

What if typing gave him solace, gave him peace, gave him the serenity and sanity he needed. What if that small hour lost is the battery charge he needed to continue doing physics. And don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting he hates physics. But is it so wrong for him to equally like and be equally good at something else as well?

I was watching GIFTED the other day and this question keeps swimming in my mind. It already has, for a very long time tbh. I've been made to believe that we should be as productive as we can. Just, in my case, its not much about specialisation. You have to be good at EVERYTHING you do. Or else, why are you doing it? 

It doesn't mean you necessarily have to be the best to the extent of watching other people fall, of being no 1, no. Just... you have to be the best in your own right. 

Actually, i don't even understand what that means 15 years down the road. But one thing i do know, is that, if ever you think that you're good enough, thats the death of you. 

So really, its a roundabout isn't it. 

I don't get it. 

I never did. I never will i think. 

But now, I feel like I want to stop. 

But

I can't, not really. 

Everyone around me is rushing towards so many things, rushing to increase their own market price, to join this, to be that. And don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be achievers. 

But I'm tired. 

I guess I started too early. I'm just burnt out now. 

But to stop now, exactly where I SHOULDN'T stop, seems irrational. 

But what if I wanted to be irrational? 

I mean, I see everyone catching all your prizes and I'm not even tempted. I see people socializing, networking and I'm not even intimidated. 

But I've been tuned to believe that this is wrong.

"Why block your potentials?" 

Can't I? When I've had enough of people being friends or getting close with me for all that I can offer, not for me as a person? 

Is it so wrong? 

But I've also been taught that it's wrong to complain. For every time spent on me, every opportunity I've received, its at the expense of someone else not getting the spot. And I owe it to them to do well. 

Thats not a wrong way of thinking. 

I owe so many people so many things. 

And I've never complained about it, and I'm not going to start now. 

I don't mind burning myself out much. I've learnt that that's a good thing, and that's how it should go. Life's never fair anyways. 

But. 

Sometimes, I'm tired. 

Where are you guys, then?

Photo by Francisco Arnela on Unsplash